I’ve always been someone who spoke up. Passionate. Direct. Expressive. I didn’t hold back when something mattered to me. For a long time, that felt like integrity—like doing what was right. And in many ways, it was.
But over time, I noticed something that I couldn’t ignore: my passion sometimes made others feel like there wasn’t space for their voice. It wasn’t that I didn’t care. It’s that my intensity made it harder for others to feel heard. Some people felt like they couldn’t express their own truth in front of me because mine was already taking up so much space.
That realization was difficult, but necessary. So I took a step back. I reflected. I did the internal work to understand how I was showing up—not just what I was saying, but how it was landing.
Because it’s not just about speaking—it’s also about listening. And not just listening in silence, but making space that actually invites others in.
The Balance Between Speaking and Listening
There’s a real risk in choosing to speak. You might not be understood. You might be met with silence, pushback, or judgment. And sometimes, your certainty can unintentionally shut others down, even when that’s not your intention.
But there’s also a risk in staying quiet. You might disappear into the background. You might feel resentful, unseen, or disconnected from what matters to you.
And there’s a different kind of risk in listening—really listening. You might hear something you don’t agree with. You might feel challenged or uncomfortable. You might start to see things differently.
These risks are part of what it means to be in honest, meaningful connection with others.
Making Space for Other Perspectives
In my work as a therapist, I often see clients struggle with the tension between speaking their truth and holding space for others to do the same. Some are learning how to speak after years of holding things in, while others are trying to hear more without immediately jumping in with their own thoughts.
Here’s the thing: both are necessary, but it’s the space in between that allows for real connection. It's about listening to understand—not just listening to respond. And it’s about speaking in a way that invites others to do the same. This is how we break the cycle of being so attached to our own point of view that we shut others out.
When we ask ourselves “Why do I believe this?” we create an opening to hear a new perspective. We make room for the possibility that someone else’s experience and viewpoint is just as valuable as our own. It doesn’t mean we give up our beliefs—but it does mean we stop clinging to them so tightly that they become a barrier instead of a bridge.
Discomfort Is Necessary
We don’t grow by avoiding hard conversations. We grow by moving through them. Whether you’re sharing your truth or hearing someone else’s, it’s rarely easy. But it’s how we learn. It’s how we understand each other. It’s how we repair.
Avoiding discomfort doesn’t protect us—it keeps us stuck. It keeps us from the clarity and connection that come when we allow ourselves to be fully seen and fully present with others.
A Few Questions to Sit With
If this resonates with you, here are some questions you might reflect on:
Am I holding something in that needs to be said?
Am I speaking in ways that shut others down without realizing it?
When was the last time I truly listened—without planning my response?
What kind of space do I create for other people’s truth?
We all have work to do in finding our voice, and in making space for others. One without the other isn’t enough.
So whether you tend to speak up quickly or hold back often, consider what it would mean to stretch in the other direction. Speak when it matters. Listen even when it’s hard. Make room for the full complexity of what it means to be human—messy, different, emotional, uncertain.
That’s where connection happens. That’s where change begins.